Songlist of ladies names III (The Letter C)

This is where it begins to get interesting as there is potentially a huge array of choices here.

Candy – Cameo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sn8KYD1Vco0

As utterly misinterpreted by Mariah (whom coincidentally has never been on fire), this knockout original has all those good things including a semi-constipated Larry Blackmon confessing every type of berry his ladylove shares the aroma of.

Hilarious video guest starring the return of the red codpiece (by now presumably a little musky) & everyone partying between Larry’s legs

That Petrol Emotion’s (featuring members of Magazine) Candy Loves Satelite & Car’s Candy-O completes the potential 3-piece suite/sweet – see what i did there?

Oh Carolina– Shaggy (Trad. Arr.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lIdP4oVDBg

Could only ever be the ‘rasclart boobaclart’ version (believe me you wouldn’t wanna know what it translates as in English). Still somehow lovable & infectious as Dutch Elm disease to those on the UK mainland

Could he be the world’s most successful Jamacian/Japanese crossover artist?

Cindy C – Prince

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9hwHq_Qp60

As in Crawford; from his notoriously-withdrawn Black Album that was eventually released 5 years after the initial pressing in 1993. Like there’s more than one “actress/model oooh from Paris, France” This is playfully funky & much looser than his usual party fare which makes you wonder why he felt it such a negative influence when less than half is minimalist rap. The recording of this album was rumoured to be the only occasion Prince indulged in chemical drugs by taking E according to Per Nilsen’s bio!

As for the music, he usually composes in far more difficult keys…

Corinna – Taj Mahal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDRTEq5sMHg

Tender and bittersweet, could’ve chosen Clara (St Kitts Woman) about his dear old Grandma instead

Countess Bathory – Venom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbldM7JEIeE

Haha! This is completely OTT & gains entry purely for the folklore attached to this historic witch-like figure based on the spurious allegation that she bathed in her victim’s blood in an effort to stay forever youthful…and to achieve that Pantene shine. 

Other options were;

Does Caroline Know? – Talk Talk

Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond

Don’t even think about it buddy

Carolyn’s Fingers/Cicely – Cocteau Twins

Cecilia – Paul Simon (& Garfunkel)

As utterly misinterpreted by Suggs of Madness (whom coincidentally has never got up to wash his face whilst being replaced in bed)

Cecelia Ann – Pixies

Charlottethe Harlot – Iron Maiden

Chloe – Ry Cooder

Cleopatra – Cleopatra

More a group manifesto of solidarity than the ancient Egyptian pharaoh but still…

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Songlists of Ladies Names (The Return of Bee)

This week, 5 of the best from ‘B’ plus a free download of a lesser known Perfect Circle track from their storming debut ‘Mer de Noms

Bambi – Prince

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NB1pvPYzDac

Killer licks from second album where as he rides a winged horse billy-bollocks nekkid (both him & the creature) on the out of focus back cover, this shower of lesbian-sceptic hard rock lickage comes as slightly unexpected. His next album Dirty Mind would feature a young Lisa Coleman who went on to form a relationship with Wendy Melvoin in The Revolution so “Oi Prince – deal with it!”

Who woulda knew he’d turn out so strange?

This guy removes any live youtube output mighty fast but this one slipped through the net so enjoy it while it lasts. Solo heaven @2.22

Bee Sugarcubes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64lRk3lbj6k

Like most of their back catalogue this is utterly mental in their prime before Bjork went solo. Possibly written for the bride in Kill Bill?

Bernadette – Four Tops

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1g_TVRGWcfk

Holland-Dozier-Holland penned Motown soul classic from ’67 back by the Funk Brothers about possessive jealousy and burning desire over his ladyfriend.

Bertha Butt Boogie – Jimmy Castor Bunch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LQJYgs1sxc

You’ve danced the boogie, now read the comic

For your information Bertha had three sisters – Betty Butt, Bella Butt & Bashiiiba Butt”

Black Betty – Ram Jam

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMLnDuzgkjo

Portfolio pics; just look at his range!

Riff-mania! Vid rocks too – just them going all guns blazing in full leather on some lucky bleeder’s front garden. Reeeally tough to choose between these two Bettys but in the end Black Betty just narrowly pipped Blue Oyster Cult’s Betty Lou’s gotta new pair of shoes.

Brenda – A Perfect Circle

http://www.downloads.nl/music/Brenda+A+Perfect+Circle

Still glorious, richly textured alt rock with twisted, majestic vocals courtesy of Maynard James Keenan

What else to be bathed in Brenda?” Not that I’m encouraging illegal downloading but click the above and see where it leads yaMemphis Slim the blues pianist also has a fine song named Brenda but this just pipped it for me.

Other options would’ve included John Martyn’s Beverley; an instrumental quite probably named after his ex-wife. I’m loathed to even mention Ray Steven’s Bridget the Midget possibly not about Sly Stallone’s ex-wife Bridget Nielson.

Until next time…for Lady C’s

Songlists of Lovely Ladies Names

In the gutless womaniser Rod Stewart’s words “Wake up Maggie, I think I’ve gotta new blog thread for you”. After enjoying various charming ditties alluding to the fairer gender form I stumbled across an idea of a topic that I then discovered had already been played out across multiple nefarious blogsite forums. Nevertheless it carries timeless appeal and so 3 or 5 of every animal, sorry letter in the lovely lady alphabet will be chosen at weekly intervals. The same name may not be used twice which means wallowing through a mire of Barbaras, Bettys, Marys, Mary Janes (sweet or otherwise), Plain Janes, Mollys, Sallys and, disturbingly enough, Fannys? (Prior to its British adoption as a rude lady’s part). Thus I had to grapple between several fine numbers each dedicated to these namesakes over many laborious hours in my melon man.

Wherever possible I have only included songs I enjoy & would actually listen to in my non-list obsessive-alphabetised day-to-day life. A few names are repeated i.e. so good they named them twice such as Mary Mary or Maria Maria & certain letters would be impossible to have ANY inclusions unless I became a little forgiving with the looseness of the letters Q, U, X & Z.

I would also like to thank albums with named themes such as A Perfect Circle’s Mer de Noms & Cocteau Twin’s Treasure – both of which happen to be ethereal & magisterial masterpieces

Back cover to Cocteau’s ’84 immersible classic

 

A

Blues for Alice – Charlie Parker

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4s5FZBisaf8

Rapid bluesy bebop-style almost definitely NOT written for Alice Coltrane, John’s wife

Amelia – Cocteau Twins

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgiLx5ilpFc

They also have a song called Aloysius from the same album but this would be an extremely rare name that is more commonly fictitious such as  that of Lady Penelope’s chauffeur in Thunderbirds)

Angela – Toto

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYRKp58E1aQ

The last track from their stonking debut written by the most enduring member, the portly, tiny & shiny Steve Lukather

Angeline – Faithless

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGlnF2Xg3Mc

You’ve been out on the tiles, winning the smiles of men of low persuasion…

Angie – Rolling Stones

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcZn2-bGXqQ

Written by Keith Richards about one or any number of the following; his daughter Dandelion Angela, Bowie’s first wife, Angie Dickinson or going cold turkey in Switzerland where there ain’t much heroin around but there IS endlessly massive piles of snow! Mostly covered horrendously badly other than by Womack & Womack or Tori Amos. Angela Merkel also used the song in her party’s election campaign in 2005!

Here is the cover of the German release;

The most worrying aspect of this song’s cover is that we can’t be entirely sure that isn’t Mick Jagger’s body

Other options would’ve been Allison by either Elvis Costello or The Pixies or Elton John’s Amy.

See all o yo squareheads next week for the ‘B’ installment!

Grand National 2012; They Race Horses, Don’t They Darling?

Despite the entire thoroughbred-pursued obsessive cruelty & knackers’ yard mentality that it endorses, I can’t help but be swept up by the Grand National & it’s ‘everyman having a cheeky flutter’ spirit; seeing myself as something of a one-day-a-year casual gambler. Even though I should be able to just say ‘neigh’ it’s almost become customary to whack a fiver on the most novelty value name in the 40 running then roar with anticipation as you find the best atmospheric boozer to pretend you take no part in any such non-working class ‘sports’. I mean that last word in the vaguest of terms due to the fact you need several grand & a tiny malnourished Irishman borrower before you can even compete.

Yep it’s a disgusting national past time sponsored by a tasteless parody of a ‘smooth’ bitter & yep those ladies look ridiculous in elaborate headwear flanking windswept Merseyside drizzle dressed up like purses from a sow’s ear (don’t hear that expression enough anymore). Apparently there’s a section of the race named the ‘John Smith’s Daily Mirror Punter’s Club Handicap Hurdle’ which makes you almost pity the commentators. I guess they didn’t know just when to stop accepting corporate funding investments.

Hoping that all jockey's are on the Atkins diet?

Alas in the spirit of some excellently named horses – Shakalakaboomboom (my personal choice at 14-1), Swing Bill, According to Pete, Rare Bob & Organised Confusion being probably the most appropriate, I thought it sensible to devise a loosely related playlist. This may well help spruce up the BBC’s 3 & a quarter hours of build up coverage which otherwise would be like watching the steam rise from a brick of baked horses’ shite.

Compulsive Gamblers – Stop & Think It Over

The Osmonds – Crazy Horses (compulsory I’m afraid, though allegedly about car pollution which is still relevant)

Yello – The Race (generally applicable to all major racing events)

Tom Waits – Jockey Full of Bourbon

Aphex Twin – Funny Little Man (That’d be jockeys again)

Mastodon – Trampled Underhoof (Oh the crushing riffs, from early album Remission)

Manic Street Preachers – Faster (Not strictly written with this subject matter in mind)

Pogues – A Bottle of Smoke

Sample lyric: “20 feckin’ 5 to 1, me gambling days are done. I bet on a horse called A Bottle of Smoke & my horse won!”

Dubliners – Galway Races (Beardy ‘Banjo’ Barney RIP you dear old twanging diamond)

Devo – Whip It!

Randy – Win or Lose

Rival Schools – Used for Glue (Equestrian free vid unfortunately)

And this classic Alan Partridge Day Today clip;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwXWUVQA7Rg

http://www.grand-national.me.uk/grandnationalrunners/

Winner of the most shriveled old boy & highest sockline award year on year

Bookies be damned. Suggestions as ever duly noted & appreciated…