Songlists of Lovely Ladies Names

In the gutless womaniser Rod Stewart’s words “Wake up Maggie, I think I’ve gotta new blog thread for you”. After enjoying various charming ditties alluding to the fairer gender form I stumbled across an idea of a topic that I then discovered had already been played out across multiple nefarious blogsite forums. Nevertheless it carries timeless appeal and so 3 or 5 of every animal, sorry letter in the lovely lady alphabet will be chosen at weekly intervals. The same name may not be used twice which means wallowing through a mire of Barbaras, Bettys, Marys, Mary Janes (sweet or otherwise), Plain Janes, Mollys, Sallys and, disturbingly enough, Fannys? (Prior to its British adoption as a rude lady’s part). Thus I had to grapple between several fine numbers each dedicated to these namesakes over many laborious hours in my melon man.

Wherever possible I have only included songs I enjoy & would actually listen to in my non-list obsessive-alphabetised day-to-day life. A few names are repeated i.e. so good they named them twice such as Mary Mary or Maria Maria & certain letters would be impossible to have ANY inclusions unless I became a little forgiving with the looseness of the letters Q, U, X & Z.

I would also like to thank albums with named themes such as A Perfect Circle’s Mer de Noms & Cocteau Twin’s Treasure – both of which happen to be ethereal & magisterial masterpieces

Back cover to Cocteau’s ’84 immersible classic



Blues for Alice – Charlie Parker

Rapid bluesy bebop-style almost definitely NOT written for Alice Coltrane, John’s wife

Amelia – Cocteau Twins

They also have a song called Aloysius from the same album but this would be an extremely rare name that is more commonly fictitious such as  that of Lady Penelope’s chauffeur in Thunderbirds)

Angela – Toto

The last track from their stonking debut written by the most enduring member, the portly, tiny & shiny Steve Lukather

Angeline – Faithless

You’ve been out on the tiles, winning the smiles of men of low persuasion…

Angie – Rolling Stones

Written by Keith Richards about one or any number of the following; his daughter Dandelion Angela, Bowie’s first wife, Angie Dickinson or going cold turkey in Switzerland where there ain’t much heroin around but there IS endlessly massive piles of snow! Mostly covered horrendously badly other than by Womack & Womack or Tori Amos. Angela Merkel also used the song in her party’s election campaign in 2005!

Here is the cover of the German release;

The most worrying aspect of this song’s cover is that we can’t be entirely sure that isn’t Mick Jagger’s body

Other options would’ve been Allison by either Elvis Costello or The Pixies or Elton John’s Amy.

See all o yo squareheads next week for the ‘B’ installment!


Please tell Asda what you think about the store and the service you received today

 Well ASDA Stores Limited to quote your full title, leaving aside for a moment your retina damaging uniform & overall colour scheme which, together with the blinding white lights could easily convince a visually impaired old widow to mistakenly believe she’s reached heaven’s gates in a Soviet Aircraft hanger guarded by socially impaired wobbly-looking limes (particularly when stood shopping next to the limes). You farmer-murdering, price-fixing, petrol-contaminating, wedding dress-devaluing illuminous Nazis!

“Now you will forever be living in the pocket of Satan my Master”

Looking for differences and individual idiosyncrasies at your 500+ stores is rather like attempting to visualise the range of facial expressions portrayed by Jean Claude Van Damme‘s denim-clad characters. If only Benny & Bjorn from Abba had been called Stefan & Dieter then they would’ve got there first making Asda Eurovision winners & visiting Abba in a Volvo a chore that joined Ikea on miserable Swedish-themed Sundays.

Your ubiquitous stores appear closer to retail states enforcing their own municipal independence fronted by authoritarian military watchmen in the form of petrol booth personnel & trolley soldiers. The latter whilst under heavy bombardment from repeated strategic attacks leaving their wonky-wheeled ammo crate containers scattered willy nilly about the endless concrete eyeline of no man’s land. In swallowing up whole postcodes rather like an eternal lifesize acquisitional board game of RISK before Tesco nuke Prussia, Assocaited Dairies (the one you know as ASDA) will not surrender the land of it’s Leeds Head Office in the battle to gain Britain’s largest hyper-mega-supermarket franchise (they’ve already won the Worldwide War aka W.W. Why Pay More?).

Having said all that, your range of humus dips ain’t bad.

If only instant carb-heavy grub really could form feminist policy eh?

Here is my ‘local’ (relative to other warzones) Asda’s origins;

The narrator drops two absolute pearls of 60s sexism almost side by side;

While men are buying what they want, the other sex can replenish their wardrobe knowing that there’s a husband within call to pay the bill

The George clothing range has always been the reserve of glamourous luxury after all…erm hang on. This is swiftly followed by;

There seems to be no reason why a woman wouldn’t spend a whole morning here, before going to the pictures in the afternoon”

Ah yes, she deserves to relax after a punishing schedule changing her hair-dryer settings before slaving over the nail file. The freedom for WAGS today was indeed a fight harder fought than the queue outside the boutique on Saturday mid-mornings.

Next post i promise to write about something i actually enjoy…