TRAMLINES 2012: Urban & Free? This don’t make no tents!

Kid Acne knows where his laundry’s done!

In T-minus 2 weekends from now I will attempt to cover Sheffield’s Tramlines Free For All Multimedia Citywide Circus (mostly locally sourced live music) whereby over 800 bands/acts/group events/performances/pissed up mental tosswizards will attempt to entertain us using the almighty power of interpretive sonic frequencies & vibration.

This will be attempted in a similar vein to Hunter S. Thompson a la The Gumball 3000 Desert Rally as per his initial assignment in Fear & Loathing. The most apparent differences will of course be that I don’t smoke (from any distance away from my face), I have hair (turf on the court if you will) & although I’ll most likely be wearing a deafening Acapulco shirt & Aussie beer shorts combo I only have a toothbrush & some old chipforks in my battered leather jacket instead of mind bending psychotropic pharmaceuticals. That’s not to say these can’t be hunted down upon arrival but too many deserving bands/acts would surely have to be missed or overlooked or denied these themselves which may hinder their performance in ways unfathomable. Not to mention the fact that the dizzying array of venues and environs would render any hallucinogenics foolish and misplaced. Such is the delirious bemusement one already feels amidst all the indecisiveness of one’s most thriving habitat. There are many outdoor stages including those in parks, car parks, public gardens, a city farm at Heeley and even a ‘Rude Shipyard’ presumably with a serious case of sailor tongue or docker’s mouth.

How could I possibly know all this dear readers? For those radicalised Cosmic Funky Nuts boyos are ripping up the script with their bare groovy licks of course. Broomhill’s Nottingham ‘Notty’ House Pub, Saturday from 6pm.

In this reporter’s humble opinion, Sheffield thankfully pisses highly upwind and from an almighty height on most other major cities. It has always accommodated a buzzing art and music scene stepping proudly out of the long-drawn shadows of bland, synthetic synth-fiddling electro-pop colder than Mystic Meg’s nipple wax. I remember once trying to rework the Human League’s megahit into a more honest reflection of Yorkshire with the working title ‘Don’t You Want Me Gravy?’ All together now – “I was working as a waitress in a Carvery pub where I meat chewed…”

Extensive line-up can be ogled here:

Not sure why 65 Days of Static are headlining Nando’s New Music Stage though, they’ve been going for over 10 years. Guess it takes people who eat mechanically manufactured chicken a while longer than a nando-second to catch on…

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